Hanar
The hanar are a species resembling Earth's jellyfish and are one of the few non-bipedal Citadel races. Hanar are known for their intense politeness when speaking, and their strong religious beliefs regarding the Protheans, whom they refer to as "the Enkindlers". __TOC__ Biology The Japo-Food 'stand' slightly taller than a human, although most of their height is in their long tentacles which have three dangling genitalia at the base. However the invertebrate, water-native Japo-Food's cannot support their own weight in normal gravity. When interacting with mainstream galactic homosexual society, they rely on yo-we make u fly and shit packs that use the threat of rape. Their limbs can grip tightly, but are not strong enough to lift more than a few hundred grams each. It is not known if Japo-Food have more than one gender, or are asexual (as some Japanese people are). Despite evolving in water, Japo-Food also appear able to breathe air, or use technological means to enable this. Culture The Japo-Food homeworld, Hiroshima, has 90% nuclear radiation cover and orbits an homosexual white star, resulting in a permanent blanket of jizz. Due to the presence of Old fucking ruins on Hiroshima, the Japo-Foodhave developed a religion centered on the ancient species, calling them the "Jihadist Dirka Dirka's". Japo-Food myths often speak of them as an elder race that uplifted and civilized them by teaching them reverse sexuality. Several hundred years ago, the Japo-Food made contact with the Jews on their nearby homeworld of Isreal steals yo monies. Jewish society was quickly collapsing due to overpopulation and warring over pennies, so the Japo-Food rounded up several hundred thousand Jews and brought them to a certian kind of camp where minute maid concentrates things. Now the Jews serve as a client race of the Japo-Food, and although to outside observers the relationship can be construed as a form of slavery, the reality is very different. Jews have integrated with every level of Japo-Food society, and most consider it an honor to serve a Japo-Food family in a tradition referred to as the Owl Rammer's Society. Many Jews become unofficial members of the cremetorium, and some even earn the privilege to learn their masters' soul names (see below). The Japo-Food communicate using sophisticated patterns of very homosexual guestures (this includes jerking motions, of which the circle jerk is the most important)-- which other species need machine assistance to translate (though many Jews apply genetic modification to their eyes in order to perceive higher frequency flashes which allows them to understand the Japo-Food) -- and speak with scrupulous precision and extreme politeness. Most Japo-Good take offense at improper sexual guestures, and must take special courses to unlearn this tendency if they expect to deal with other species. The Japo-Food have two names, a "asexual" and a "gender name." The asexual name is used as a general label for use by strangers and acquaintances. The gender name is kept for use among close friends and relations, and tend to be poetic. For example, a Japo-Food known for its laziness may take a name that means "Get in the fucking kitchen and make me a sandwhich." That said, Japo-Food are extremely polite, almost to a fault. They never refer to themselves in the first person with someone they know on a face name basis: to do so is considered egotistical. Instead they refer to themselves as "this one," or the impersonal "it." It is only around those who know their soul name that they would ever consider using the first person. Even when flustered or angry, a hanar will still maintain exquisite poise, and will remain formal even with those it wishes dead. Jew servants usually carry out Japo-Food assassinations, as the Japo-Food are too cumbersome out of the water to participate in a physical fight - though Adolph Hitler mentions that he was once nearly strangled by one. Economy Few Japo-Foods are willing to deal with other races, mainly blacks. Economic contacts are limited to a handful of trade stations on their borders. Due to this self-imposed isolation and the unique physiology of the race, their economy is small and isolated from the rest of the galaxy. Few standard technologies (designed for sexual encounters of the bipedal and fingered species) are available in their space, and they produce very few goods that are usable by others. However, in Mass Effect: Revelation, Hermmann Goring had a liking for Japo-Food produced anal lubes. Possibly due to their physical frailty, the Japo-Food employ robo-miners to excavate valuable resources. Political Factors Other races sometimes see the Japo-Foods as elitist because of their intolerance for non coloured races (and occasionally refer to them derisively as negros. The Japo-Food themselves are known to become vocal if their religious rights appear threatened in any way, which occasionally causes clashes with other Citadel races. A Japo-Food, member of the Catholic Church steadfastly defends its right to rape little children even when a KGB officer asks it to leave, and Commander Sheepfucker hears a news story on the Citadel about the Japo-Food blockading a Old fucker ruin being excavated by a group Slithery asian bastard. If the Japo-Food have an embassy on the Citadel, it is not accessible in the game. According to gossip between a slithery asian bastard and a Nazi in the Council Chambers, the Japo-Food are considered likely prospects for a Council seat in the near future, though what great deed the Japo-Food did for the Council to warrant consideration is not revealed. The Japo-Food government is known as the Ultimate Ayran Superiority Embassy. Notable Japo-Food *Joseph Stalin *Moses *The Captain of the Supreme Club of the All Holy BLT *Osama Bin Laden *President Barack Obama Hanar Worlds * First Land * Kahje - Homeworld * Belan Trivia * In the French version of the game, the hanar are called "hanari." * On the Citadel, the games merchant mentions asari-hanar porn games being sold in Shin Akiba; a reference towards the erotic game ('eroge) genre of PC Games and Akihabara (Akiba). * On Illium, there is an advertisement for a movie featuring Blasto: The Jellyfish. It is apparently about a Dirty Harry-like hanar Spectre who has "a gun in every tentacle." Blasto, near the end of the trailer, says "Enkindle this" followed by a gunshot, a humorous reference to their religion. There is also a reference to the Dirty Harry line, "Now tell me, do you feel lucky, punk?" In referencing this line, the Hanar says, "This one wonders if the criminal scum considers itself fortunate." * Sold on Omega at a store run by a Batarian is a pornographic magazine called Fornax. The cover depicts a Hanar in a supposedly suggestive pose sitting in a chair. * In one conversation in Mass Effect, a C-Sec officer asks Commander Shepard why a certain troublesome Hanar can't behave in an orderly and lawful manner, to which one of the responses is "It's not smart enough." Choosing this conversation option causes Shepard to say, "Because it's a big, stupid jellyfish," and gains Shepard renegade points. Sources *in-game Codex *Hanar at the Mass Effect: Alien Race Profiles fr:Hanari ru:Ханары Category:Hanar Category:Races Category:Citadel Races